Waldorf: [after the song "Happy Feet"] You know, on the show that wasn't funny. Mary: This is going to be a really short movie. Sure. [screams]. [entire panel laughs hysterically except for Sam]. The pig will never get her way. Gonzo: I want to go there. You're a legend in your own time. [moves to the wardrobe]. Kermit the Frog: What's there to like, Gonzo? 32058. Fraggle Rock, Creature Shop and similar likenesses are copyright of The Jim Henson Company. Kermit the Frog: Your average frog doesn't have much going for him in the looks department. [nods]. Dom DeLuise: I'll tell you why. Paul Williams: For the first time in my life, I will cry in front of thirty million people. From brain of Stephen Wildish: Guess the movie Did you get them all?! Fleet Scribbler: Aha. He's not on stage either. Okay. Leslie Uggams: I give him the straight lines, and he gives me the fish lines. "Muppets Relying on Same Old Tired Junk.". [gets agitated] Where pigs eat swill! His wife had climbed the pole this morning and found that he had indeed passed away. You hippie! Sam the Eagle: Yes. Kermit the Frog: Oh, no, it's that crazy Great Gonzo tomato plant. Miss Piggy: No. The Muppet Show Quotes / Memes. Sgt. After the success of Sesame Street in 1969, Muppet creator Jim Henson wanted to have a chance at his own series. Fozzie Bear: Hey, Kermit wants me to do the next introduction. That bear is the worst! I say, let's get rid of him, OK? Because... [picks up an apple and jams it in Miss Piggy's mouth]... it looks more natural. Gonzo: [singing] For you, I'd wash my hair with stinky glue, I'd fry my legs and eat them too, I'd put a spider in my shoe, for you. Lola Thomas: Oh, medium rare or thereabouts. Gonzo: So you see, breaking up with you isn't painful at all. Kermit the Frog: You can be replaced, Piggy. Connie Stevens: Well thank you, Kermit, I had a ball. Floyd Pepper: Yeah, "Lullaby of Birdland." That was the first verse. The Newsman: But people are advised to relax, secure in the knowledge that their furniture will not turn into a monster. [suddenly, gunshots are heard and a bunch of fish fall on the desk]. Explore 72 Muppet Quotes by authors including Orson Welles, Amy Adams, and Ricky Gervais at BrainyQuote. Here I am. Kermit: No. Fozzie: [enters holding a fish] Okay, now ask me what I'm carrying the fish for. Carol Burnett: There are no other two; I was just being kind. Statler: In the dark, where else, you old fool? I have just placed on Gilda's forehead a single, teensy, weensy drop of Muppet's new super adhesive. Muppy says if you won't change the title of the show he's not going on. Muppets are little, tiny things. Miss Piggy: He tries so desperately to hide his love for me. Bert: Well, I mean, I feel funny being here, this is a big TV variety show, you know? Waldorf: I believe it; they'd take anything that's not nailed down! I slept through the whole thing. Sam the American Eagle: You call THAT dignity? But can I say something? The band has asked me to have a word with you. Scooter: Well, the people that published the music from Camelot just called and they won't let you do it. Five series of 120 episodes were broadcast on ATV and other ITV franchises in the United Kingdom from 1976 to 1981. Haven't you noticed that on all these variety shows, the guess stars always come off so phony? Discover and share The Muppet Show Quotes. Sometimes the crown weighs rather heavy on this little froggy head. Kermit: Hey, keep working on that accent, it might come in handy. Yeah, I am Felix Ogelbaum in Copenhagen, Denmark. Waldorf: Are you kidding? [Sam loses composure for a second, then continues]. And it's not just the quadripeds, neither. Rowlf: How many performances did you do in Vaudeville? Rowlf: And that's how it was the day Kid Fozzie came to town. I'd seen the Clem brothers, the Under brothers, the James brothers. Take off the peepholes. All Seasons Season 1 . Miss Piggy: Holy Guacamole! This is our chance. [an explosion with bright light comes through the phone's mike]. [suddenly, the phone on his desk rings and he answers it as the lamb bleats loudly]. Fozzie: [stammering nervously] Well, maybe, I, uh... Vincent Price: I must tell you I am not alone. Miss Piggy: [Dom received a bouquet of roses intended for Miss Piggy, which he threw on the ground] Are those my roses? Fozzie: [thinking they are talking about him] The bear can barely bear it, folks. Kermit the Frog: Oh, when will he be here? Fozzie Bear: But I didn't do an act last week. Ernie: Hey, Bert, wait a minute. But I'm already close to something else. Kermit the Frog: Congratulations Fozzie. Statler: We got our money's worth tonight. With the discovery of gold, local residents are expecting a full... [suddenly, the dynamite explodes, destroying the desk]. Well Bert, what do you say? [the man returns to the room, with the furniture monsters gone]. Kermit: Well, that's about all the time we have for today, but let's thank our special guest star, Mr. Joel Grey! Kermit: And now a man who needs no introduction, so what am I doing out here? Gonzo: How should I know? [burns his finger as he touches the phone] Aaow! I... what does it mean when you dream people are walking on your head? Kermit: Yeah, well it could disrupt the show. You've been standing on mine! I love that outfit! Miss Piggy: Oh. Kermit the Frog: Well, Connie, we sure wanna thank you for being with us on the show tonight. Ever see eating like that? Kermit the Frog: Okay, time, once again, for that furry, fuzzy, funnyman, fabulous, free-wheeling, fast and frantic Fozzie Bear! Fozzie Bear: [Rowlf and Lew Zealand exit for the stage] Go get 'em! Kermit: I mean, you know, if you can afford to pay off the audience, and buy all those flowers, and the fur, and the mail, and all that stuff... View Quote. He was put on this earth to bring us laughter and mirth. When you told me we were spending a week in the swamp, you never said there would be snakes and spiders and... [inhales]... alligators! "Sam the Eagle Statler: "Hey Berle! Waldorf: Well, I finally got my hearing aid working. [both laugh]. Miss Piggy: [incredulous] Surprise? The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. [Answers] Muppet Show backstage. Lou Rawls: Don't let him chase any *cars*? Statler: Can you sing tenor, as in ten or eleven miles away from here? With the name of the board you would like to be added to. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Miss Piggy: [turns back to Kermit sharply] No. Quotes tagged as "muppets" Showing 1-10 of 10. [Statler pulls on a rope, which opens a trap door under Waldorf, who falls through]. Quack. Okay Lou, there's his chain, but let me ask just one favor. A dining room table set for eight reportedly ate the eight it was set for. watch 01:20. Kermit the Frog: Oh, then he owes YOU money. (To the audience) "Until we meet again, On screen or in person, Good night, Good luck, And make the good lord take a liking on you!" You were a student *with* Shakespeare. Yes, sir. Always remember: square is beautiful. Rowlf: Will you stop with the vegetables. Dr. Teeth: Oh yeah? Kermit: "And now a man who needs no introduction, so what am I doing out there?" Kermit the Frog: Well, it sounds says the frog displaying his artistic judgment: sappy. Waldorf: Oh, I've been there before. Are you alright? Leslie Uggams: Why? Scooter: [talking about Gonzo's teddy bear] What do I think of the bear? Harry Oblong, a retired New York City bus driver, said that he is holding that state as a hostage and will not release it until he is paid $50 million in cash. Don't look now, Bergen, but somebody left the sty gate open. The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. He never succeeds at anything. Statler: We're not afraid. Oh, I should've guessed that. But we don't have to go back to the swamp. Who killed you? Robin the Frog: Well, nobody notices me around here. Sam The Bald Eagle: Immoral is something that's not right and illegal is me with a tummy ache. Dr. Teeth: Huh. But as a tadpole I always wanted to be a dancer. Piggy, you are fired! The Great Gonzo: No, Kermit, it's worse than that. Rowlf: Wow, you were really the entertainer, weren't you? Waldorf: It'll get better in a little while. [they suddenly notice that their hands are stuck to the railings of their box seats], Statler, Waldorf: Oh, no! The Newsman: Simultanious translation, bringing you news and views across the language barrier. You can't fire me, I'm the star! Other Gypsy: Yes - but you're gonna play anyway! Sam Eagle: God bless America and its magnificent Broadcasting Company! Kermit: But, Fozzie - I expect a great comeback. I will replace you! Camilla / You're sweeter than wine or vanilla, Camilla / Come lie beneath this tree, it's a willa, Camilla / Camilla / The night it grows stilla and stilla, Camilla / You're prettier by far than Godzilla, Camilla. Carol Burnett: Kermit, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but this is one of the three worst shows I've ever seen. I'm one rare bear! Kermit: It means you're sleeping on the floor! Why, did you know that underneath their clothing, the entire population of the world is walking around completely naked? Kermit: My profile has been compared to Barrymore. Fozzie throws some nasty jokes and, for the first (and last) time, leaves the two old codgers speechless. Remember, friends, whenever big news breaks, you certainly won't hear it here. Gary: So you guys aren ... Gary I've gone home, I love you but you need to decide, are you a man, or a muppet ... hibernating? Statler: [in response to the second Muppet News Flash] Do they sell insurance for this show? We lost! Guy in theater: [to Statler & Waldorf] Hey will you guys hold it down up there! The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. Fozzie Bear: Say, a funny thing to me on the way to the theater. Waldorf: Of course he loves it; he's the kind of guy who plants poison ivy. Nov 5, 2020 - The Muppet Quotes and sayings If you would like to be added to this bored please e-mail me at iphoneipadapphelp@gmail.com. Kermit: "And now I want you to close your eyes and think of exotic Greek dancers, because if you open them you'll see this." Good night. Fozzie: I am too talented for my own good. Statler: [about the Pigs In Space sketch] You know, that was almost funny. Orchestra leader Zuben Beckmesser was nearly electrocuted at the Metropolitan Opera today when he absentmindedly inserted his baton into an electrical outlet. Let me come right to the point. Miss Piggy: Yes! The Muppet Show quotes 172 total quotes. [Unveils crystal ball; Beauregard is inside]. Kermit the Frog: [shouting] I am not kidding! Floyd Pepper: Ah, yeah, my bear. I am so excited. Kermit the Frog: It's "The Muppet Show" with tonight's guest star: Mr. Joel Grey. Fozzie Bear: [to Kermit about Ustinov] I was wrong. But there's nothing really quite like a good bit of diesel tractor where you chip and pave, is there? Fozzie: I am a telephone pole, I am made of solid wood. Muppet Show backstage. Miss Piggy: [sternly, to C-3PO] Watch it, hardware! I mean that old loose-nose joke is funny on Sesame Street, but this is big-time, Ernie. I urge you to… Big Bird: Oh, you do acrobatics, too. No one would watch junk like that! Waldorf: We're look more like members of the Stone Age! [Miss Piggy karate chops both of them at once, one with each hand]. Hey listen, is everything OK? [a bowling ball falls out of the sky and hits the Newsman on the head, knocking him out], [Gonzo was playing "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik" on the bagpipes while sitting atop a 10 foot flagpole]. Hi there and welcome to The Muppet Show! Miss Piggy: [coming up] Did someone call me? Statler: You think that Jekyll-Hyde stuff is expensive? [karate chops Charlie, but hurts herself]. A duck appears frequently in the sketches and skits. Kermit the Frog: That's the problem with guests on this show. This is an update on the Henderson burglary. 3. [sings] The days of swine and roses... Miss Piggy: [angry] Knock it off, chubbo! That doesn't make sense. Kermit the Frog: I'VE SEEN CHEESEBURGERS FUNNIER THAN THAT! In its only recording, "You And I And George" sold three copies. Waldorf: Well, that must be the glue, all right. Don Knotts: Don't worry, Fozzie. [after performing a frantic version of "Wild Thing" with his drum set, Animal gets dragged offstage with nets]. Mrs. Lola Thomas of that city has just finished eating an entire diesel tractor. Waldorf: Well, you gotta give them credit. Fozzie Bear: Alright, listen, you will know when I point to you. A duck appears frequently in the sketches and skits. Gonzo: Oh, I can assure you, you'll be in no danger. Announcer: And now Pigs in Space. This bear was left alone! Sam the American Eagle: Kermit, about this Elton John. Kermit. Mrs. Lola Bramswell of Covington, Kentucky, has come upon a most unique diet. Here we go. Twenty seconds to curtain, Mr. Burns. [awkward pause] Yes. Statler: Well I guess I'll go talk to the animals. A suave, sophisticated showman like you, Bert? Waldorf: Ha! Fozzie Bear: Heeey, you know that the bear is funny. When The Muppet Show ended, we all sat around and said, what kind of television show would we like to do. My nerves are shot! Edit. You KNOW that they are reading cue cards. Hawaiin Pig: Hey, Hawaiians aren't dumb. [Fozzie hits him in the face with a pie]. [the lamb bleats behind him; the Newsman looks around]. Speak up, my hearing aid's not working! Hit it! That was a low and dirty trick, setting up a date with me and Gonzo. [smoke comes bellowing out of the monsters nose filling the ballroom and causing the other dancers to cough] Smokes not bothering you is it? Snappy patter and jokes, he knows what pleases the folks. Waldorf: Uh, I don't know. Edgar Bergen: Yes. Kermit the Frog: OK, you can stay, the teddy bear can stay, both bears can stay, the Gonzo can stay. Statler: You know, when I see that Judy Collins, I'm glad I left my wife. The Great Gonzo: Well like I was saying Kermit, if the bear goes, the Gonzo goes. 3. Very nice, you guys have come a long way since you were feather dusters. Statler: I'm going to find out if you can sue a show for breach of taste! Animal: [dancing with a Female Whatnot] One, two, three, dip! Like the song we're going to do next; I discovered that song in Africa. Lou Rawls: Well, let me ask you this: you see I've got this long road trip coming up, and I'm short a drummer. Explore amazing art and photography and share your own visual inspiration! Statler: This show brought a tear to my eye... Fozzie Bear: Hey, question: if a man born in Poland is a Pole, is a man from Holland a Hole? Waldorf: I think it's Lewis Carrol turning over in his grave. Narrator: It's time once again for Veterinarian's Hospital. [Fozzie chases Gonzo away screaming]. Waldorf: Yeah, well, we could watch "The Muppet Show" instead. Kermit the Frog: Oh, Miss Piggy appears angry. Rowlf: All right. Dateline: Egypt. Kermit the Frog: Well, gee, Miss Piggy, I was born in the swamp. I can read your lips. --Sean Axmaker. Joel Grey: [in German accent] Danke heir Kermit. 417 likes. Uncle Deadly: [holding Kermit by the throat and shaking him] I swore I would never perform here again, nor would anyone else. HIM? Statler: I wonder if anybody watches this show besides us? James Coburn: [Animal enters, flinging a squid he attacked from the first act off him, and breaking a chair around his neck] What do you call this - the Easter bunny? Why isn't the bear running things around here? I mean tonight our guest star is one of the truly great dancers of the world: The one and only, Miss Juliet Prowse. Dateline: New York. George Burns. Statler: I don't know - I wasn't watching. Please! Waldorf: Yes, it will drive people to read books. Kermit: Scooter, I needed that like I need a broken leg! Fozzie Bear: Oh, you shouldn't have done that. Sgt. The Newsman: This lamb is one of a new kind of sheep that has been bred to hunt wolves and is extremely dangerous. An explosion has just taken place at the Smithfield Hat Factory. Milton Berle: Now, just a minute. [Buddy Rich runs into Dr. Teeth, leading Animal on a chain leash. Juliet Prowse: That's funny. Kermit: Uh, Miss Piggy, while I am flattered at this display of affection, allow me to remind you once again that I do not want you. The Great Gonzo: That won't be easy either. Kill! Archaeologists today discovered an ancient tomb more than 5,000 years old in the Nungal Valley. Waldorf: No, we look more like something from the Stone Age! Waldorf: You know, this show is beginning to roll. All Seasons Season 1 . And she's intelligent and talented, and I'm very happy. Kermit: I've seen cheeseburgers funnier then that. Statler: We don't even know how to get out of this stupid theater box! Beauregard: I don't even know what I'm doing now! [Coins start pouring out of the mike on the phone, and Fozzie takes off his hat quickly to catch them], Fozzie: Las Vegas. You've done that to me too many times, Piggy! - Folge mit Gaststar Kaye Ballard Floyd (über Kermit): "Der Kerl hat ’nen Geschmack wie’n Frosch. Elke Sommer: Eh, thank you, Scooter. Muppet. Isn't that that cute little children's show with puppets? What did you get? He's-a wearin' a neck-a-tie! Waldorf: Yep, that's probably how she did it. [he gets cut off by the sound of a soprano diva, followed by a gunshot that causes the diva to fall on his desk]. 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